Pargali Abraham Pasha: I am in purgatory

I am in purgatory …

I’m somewhere between heaven and hell. I am in purgatory.

Is that how my life will finally last?

When I see your face, the gardens of your paradise open. I am walking towards happiness.

Hellfire is wrapping my soul  when I am away from you. I’m burning. I rebel against fate.


I am Abraham.  Recruited from Parga at his 10. Converted Abraham. At his 17 Shahzadah Suleiman’s  Şahincibaşı (leader of hawkers), at his 25 Sultan Suleyman Khan’s Hasodabasi (main maid and leader of the other palace maids), at his 28 the grand vizier of the sultan, Abraham, partner in power. Allways carrying heaven and hell  his inside,  friendly with his own Satan, ally with the sheikh of the hide, but always cautious.

Faithful guard of the great gate of purgatory;  Kapıkulu (Servant soldier)Abraham. Abraham, in the secret of Sultan Süleyman’s privacy, but always on the border. Abraham, who watches his own funeral every day in his deep eyes. Abraham who runs to death when he looks in the eyes of his Sultan! Abraham over whose deaths missed prayers made..

I was born from the Venetian Sofia with the Greek fisherman Manolis.

Converted Abraham, recruited from Parga at the age of ten.

I forgot what my name was, what it meant in any language. Forgetting is freedom.

Otherwise; the language that  you  are named, the earth you’ve learned to walk on dont leave your heart!

I am Abraham. Abraham recruited from Parga at the age of ten.

What is it like to return, where does man turn, where is he from?

Is there something to go back, is it possible?

Or is destiny only shows forwards?

Is there where you came from, where you return? Will it wait? Will you see if you look at?

Is your  heart is compass when returning?
Can you find the way home through the same places without forgetting the places you passed?

Or are you still converted in any place or region in which you say I  have returned, changed, come ?

Is  return not ability but  necesssity?

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